Piercing Darkness


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*Leaving*
05.02.04 (12:47 pm)   [edit]
Yup! Me. Leaving. Bye! lol!

Seriously, I'm leaving tblog now. Hmm... I guess I'll just leave things here since i don't think I can delete my account. I'll just take my stuffs from this blog and bring 'em all to my new blog. For thos who can understand Tagalog and loves me (lol!), just visit my new blog at www.tabulas.com/~Ayu. I post blogs there in tagalog... just a trip I guess. ^^; Maybe I'll post some in English next time. Ehehehe!

I would like to thank everyone who visits my blog every now and then, and to all my friends, especially to Kai. LILIPAT NA AKO NG BLOG! BISITAHIN MO NAMAN LECHE KA! LOL! Thanks everyone! ^_^

So... yeah, again, bye bye people!

:D :) :( :o :shock: :? 8) :lol: :x :P :oops: :cry: :evil: :twisted: :roll: :wink: :!: :?: :idea: :arrow:

 
*Update*
04.23.04 (2:27 pm)   [edit]
Nothing really nice. I just got my music back, ehehehe! Boys Be rocks! Err... YEAH! XD

So uhm... there. ^^;

kyoudai


I found this cool Recca no Honou picture and I feel like posting it here just to put more erm... something nice in my blog so uhm... that's it! lol! *searches for Tokiya kun* <_< >_>

 
*L'Arc~en~Ciel*
04.19.04 (3:43 pm)   [edit]
Heh! French and Japanese people knows what L'Arc~en~Ciel is. In french, it is "the arc in the sky" but for japanese, it is one of the coolest jrock band in Japan! And yes, I'm obssessed with them especially to their vocalist, HYDE. XD Omg he's soooo kakkoi (cool) and he got this really deep and wonderful voice. For those anime fans out there who doesn't know who L'Arc~en~Ciel is, they sang Fourth Avenue Cafe and Niji from Rurouni Kenshin, Spirit Dreams Inside from Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within and Finale from Ringu. Why am I blogging about them? I don't know XD I just really like them! I've been a Laruku (L'Arc~en~Ciel) fan for 3-4 years and still getting more obssess! LOL!

Newest Album: SMILE :D

I really like the second and ninth track in their newest album [b]SMILE[/b] entitled [i]Ready Steady Go![/i] and [i]Hitomi no Jyuunin[/i], respectively. I think even those people who are not that into jrock music will like it. You should download it. :D


SMILE Album Cover


Err... yeah... I know, it's weird... :?

 
*Three Something Something*
04.14.04 (11:49 am)   [edit]
Nyehehehe! Yeah... can't sleep. >_< Anyways, here's something that can help you guys to know me better. ^^; (as if there are people who wants to know me... ~__~)






[u][b]THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME:[/b][/u]
> 1. lizards
> 2. cockroaches
> 3. frogs

[u][b]THREE PEOPLE WHO MAKE ME LAUGH:[/b][/u]
> 1. hmmm...
> 2. hmmm...
> 3. hmmm...

[u][b]THREE PERSONS I LOVE:[/b][/u]
> 1. family
> 2. friends
> 3. hmmm...

[u][b]THREE ATTITUDES I HATE:[/b][/u]
> 1. mr/ms know-it-all
> 2. insensitive
> 3. someone who talks about himself/herself 24/7

[u][b]THREE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND:[/b][/u]
> 1. chemistry
> 2. people's minds
> 3. taxation... i know i'm stupid >_<

[u][b]THREE THINGS ON MY DESK:[/b][/u]
> 1. lotsa papers
> 2. mech pencil
> 3. lead

[u][b]THREE THINGS I'M DOING RIGHT NOW:[/b][/u]
> 1. answering this
> 2. thinking
> 3. typing

[u][b]THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE:[/b][/u]
> 1. kill everyone i hate
> 2. do a confession
> 3. help everyone in need

[u][b]THREE THINGS I CAN DO:[/b][/u]
> 1. make people happy
> 2. curse
> 3. see the big picture! =D

[u][b]THREE WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY:[/b][/u]
> 1. weird
> 2. kiddo
> 3. nothing special

[u][b]THREE THINGS I CAN'T DO:[/b][/u]
> 1. read people's minds?
> 2. get a high grade in chemistry
> 3. smoke

[u][b]THREE THINGS YOU THINK YOU SHOULDN'T LISTEN TO:[/b][/u]
> 1. pinoy rappers <--*nods*
> 2. nonsense blabbers
> 3. my voice while singing o.o;

[u][b]THREE THINGS/PEOPLE YOU THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO:[/b][/u]
> 1. family
> 2. friends
> 3. myself

[u][b]THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST:[/b][/u]
> 1. akalain mo yon?! (would you imagine that?!)
> 2. leche (cuss)
> 3. tangina (cuss) my friend wants me to gargle holy water >_>;

[u][b]THREE OF YOUR ABSOLUTE FAVORITE FOODS:[/b][/u]
> 1. potatoes!
> 2. tuna!
> 3. potatoes!

[u][b]THREE THINGS YOU'D LIKE TO LEARN:[/b][/u]
> 1. drive
> 2. different languages
> 3. how to use crayons/pastels/paints/coloring stuffs ~__~

[u][b]THREE BEVERAGES YOU DRINK REGULARLY:[/b][/u]
> 1. water
> 2. grape juice
> 3. tea

[u][b]THREE SHOWS YOU WATCHED WHEN YOU WERE A KID:[/b][/u]
> 1. 3 ninjas
> 2. mtv
> 3. discovery channel

[u][b]THREE SONGS THAT MAKE YOU CRY:[/b][/u]
> 1. Rainbow by South Border
> 2. My Immortal by Evanescence
> 3. Officially Missing You by Tamia

*shrugs* :roll:

 
*Headache*
04.14.04 (11:02 am)   [edit]
I'm experiencing severe headache right now and I can't sleep. Hmm... joined severe headache and the 17-hour sleep must be the reason why I really can't sleep. :shock:

Ah... today, we went to Lucena to visit a relative and attend a burial of my brother-in-law's grandmother. Before the burial, my auntie treated us for lunch and ate in a restaurant at the sea shore. Hell, it was so beautiful! We didn't swim though, we just ate but the food there is really great! :D My auntie ordered for 3 chickens and 2 plates of fish with sweet and sour sauce. After serving the fish, my niece shouted "Ah! Nemo? Nemo?" while pointing at the food. :lol: It was a really nice place.

Then after eating, we attended the burial. It was really hot outside! I feel like we're inside an oven toaster! :x But then after the burial, we ate, again. Yeah... I can still feel my full tummy right now. But really, I kind of don't like the second retaurant we went. I kind of don't like the food and the ambiance... Oh well, it was just a treat, be thankful! :wink:

Hmm... that's all for today, I still need to force myself to sleep. I still have to go to my friend's house tomorrow. We're having a get-together... ah heck! I don't have money left! :shock:


I am 56% evil.




I'm getting there. I haven't done all the damage I could do but I've done quite a bit. I'm just over the border into the Evil Zone.



Are you evil? find out at Hilowitz.com


HEY! I'm a good girl! :evil:

:twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

 
*Darn Economics Teacher*
04.13.04 (7:47 am)   [edit]
I overslept. I slept at 12 midnight and woke up at 5 pm... :shock:

I went to my school to get my report card. My grades are high except for one subject, Economics. Pretty shameful huh? Yeah, I wanna kill my teacher... :evil: He was beside my adviser while I'm claiming my report card. He's not looking at me so I didn't greet him... I'm angry at him anyway even before I saw my report card. My adviser already told me that I got a line of seven in his subject before the issuance of card. I told my mom about it and she told my godmother, who is my Economics teacher's cousin, about it too. My mom told me that my godmother talked to him about the grade he gave me. She told him that he is the only reason why I wasn't able to go to University of the Philippines (It is one of the most popular and respected school in our country which is said that all the students who are studying there are really smart). He gave me a 77 grade in his subject this last quarter and the university doesn't want to accept me. My teacher asked for my name and then he said that there was no problem about me as a student. I should have asked him to add some points to my grade so that I could enter the university. My godmother told him that the grades have already been submitted and finished so there's nothing he can do. And now, his conscience is killing him! Ahahaha! When I saw him in school at the issuance of card, he's not looking at me! Ahahaha! Oh how I love my godmother! :lol: But anyways, I didn't really passed the entrance exam in UP because of my Reading Comprehension. I got high grades in Math, Science and English in my entrance exam in UP. My sister, who is a graduate in UP, said that maybe I answered the exam hurriedly. *shrugs* I don't know, time is limited. Maybe I'm just too nervous when I took the exam. :?

After getting my report card I went to University of Santo Tomas to submit the requirements. Yeah, I passed the entrance exam there and I'm taking Computer Science. My mom asked me if I want to take Nursing too so that I could go abroad. She told me that my aunt, who is in US working as a nurse, asked her to make me take Nursing. I'm not that interested in Nursing but I guess it's okay. The problem is I need to shift course so that I could take Nursing. I already wrote ComSci, IT and Advertising as my 1st, 2nd and 3rd choice respectively. I passed Comsci and IT and I'm on waiting list in Advertising. No place for Nursing anymore. After submitting the requirements, the girl who is organizing the files gave us a copy of tuition fees. Heck, 30,000 pesos per semester! My mom told me to get my requirements back and look for another school, jokingly. *breathes deeply* I don't want to study in other schools. UST is my second choice. I already told my mom that if I won't be able to pass UP, I'll study in UST. She wants me to study there too because it is one of the popular school here but yeah, tuition fee is the only problem. We're not rich. :roll: My sister is the one paying for my tuition fees. She told me that I should NEVER flunk or else, it's either I'll go to other school or I'll stop schooling. Ehehehe! Yes, that's how important money to us. Damn crisis... :evil:

I wonder what my Economics teacher is thinking right now. Ehehe! Serves him right, he's too strick to all his students. Heh~ :twisted:

 
*The Passion of the Christ*
04.07.04 (4:07 am)   [edit]
I watched The Passion of the Christ today and I almost cried. God, that movie was so... horrible. Watching Jesus suffer like that was... too much. You can really see, clearly, how Jesus suffered while he was being punished. The two scenes that really scared me were the scourging at the pillar and the crucifixion. You can see the blood coming out from His body, His flesh being ripped out from His torso... okay, enough of it. :? Mary almost made me cry. The way she took care of Jesus and all, cry for Him... it's just really really sad. I just can't take watching Jesus being punished by those... erm... idiots. :? All in all, it was a really great movie. I was watching it with my mom and yeah, she cried. I saw a tear rolled down her cheek and she kept moving her gaze away when she sees Jesus being scourged and crucified. It was really brutal... I can't imagine we condemned Jesus like that... *hugs Jesus*

I love you God...

 
*Utada Hikaru rocks!!!*
04.06.04 (8:06 am)   [edit]
I'm not updated about Hikki now. All I know is that she got a new single and she's already married... too bad for those guys who like her. ^^; Oh well, here's a song by Hikki which is one of my favorites. Enjoy~ ^_^ (as if they can hear it... :roll: )


[b]Sakura Drops
by Utada Hikaru[/b]

[i]koi wo shite owari wo tsuge
chikau koto ha : kore ga saigo no HEARTBREAK
sakura sae kaze no naka de yurete
yagate hana wo sakasu yo

furidashita natsu no ame ga
namida no yoko wo totta su-tto
omoide to daburu eizou
aki no dorama saihousou

doushite onaji you na panchi
nandomo kuracchaun da
sore demo mata tatakaun darou
sore ga inochi no fushigi

koi wo shite subete sasage
negau koto ha : kore ga saigo no HEARTBREAK
sakura sae toki no naka de yurete
yagate hana wo sakasu yo

kurikaesu kisetsu no naka de
kutsu ga surihetteku

motto kata no chikara nuite
kako ha dokoka ni shimatteoke
koko kara sou tookunai darou
mita koto mo nai keshiki

tomaranai mune no itami koete
motto kimi ni chikazukitai yo
hito mawari shite ha modori
aoi sora wo zutto tesaguri

koi wo shite owari wo tsuge
chikau koto ha : kyou ha saisho no GOOD DAY
sakura made kaze no naka de yurete
sotto kimi ni te wo nobasu yo

suki de suki de dou shiyou mo nai
sore to kore ha kankei nai[/i]



English Translation:


[i]Fall in love, then it ends
I swear: This will be my last heartbreak
Even the cherry blossom trees shaking in the wind,
will bloom one day soon.

The sudden summer rain,
passed by my tears in a quiet stream
A scene so like one from my memories
A summer re-run of a fall drama.

Why do I keep getting done in by the same punch,
and yet still continue to fight?
That's one of life's little mysteries.

Fall in love, give it my everything
I hope: This will be my last heartbreak
Even the cherry blossom trees shaking through the seasons,
will bloom one day soon.

Through the cycling seasons,
my shoes will wear thin.

take it easy,
put the past away someplace else.
I don't think it's so far from here,
this place I've never seen.

get over the endless pain in my heart
I want to be closer to you.
Once around is the beginning again.
always feeling about blindly for the blue sky

Fall in love, then it ends
I swear: Today will be my first good day.
Even the cherry blossom trees shaking in the wind,*
are slowly reaching out a hand to you.

I love you so much, so very much I can't do anything about it.
But this has nothing to do with that. [/i]


Ehehe! That's for you guys so you could understand the song... uhm... no comment this time. :D Really... :?

 
*Graduation*
04.01.04 (6:02 am)   [edit]
Tomorrow is my graduation day... and I'm happy and sad at the same time. I know it's natural. Leaving my friends, close teachers and your school... I'll miss them all. Well, about the school, that is if you love your school, ehehehe! I LOVE MY SCHOOL! Even though our classrooms were like hell during noon time, canteen, overloaded with students and those food they sell *ugh*, annoying school staff, irritating security guards, smelly c.r.... I'll miss them all. *wipes a tear* XD

But there is one person whom I'll miss the most. He is a friend of mine... our circle of friends' founder, ehehe! He is suppose to be our batchmate but because of some personal problems, he stopped schooling for a year. He's a senior high school student next year.

We've been friends for years. I remember our circle of friends' name was given to us by our Religion teacher. She's reprimanding him because he was too noisy in class. She called his attention and said, "Hoy! Marvin and the Clan, could you please shut up and listen to God's words? Even for a while?" lol! He did shut his mouth up, but still he is giggling. So yeah, the real founder of our group is our Religion teacher. Amen. XD

So there... about him... I'll miss him... we'll all miss him. Almost everyone in our batch is his friend. He's one of my "closest close friend", always there whenever I'm alone. He never made me feel like an outcast. He is the gayest gay I've ever seen! LOL! He's just different from my friends... and I'll really miss him.

My friends asked him to watch our graduation and yeah, he said he doesn't want to come. We don't know if we'll force him to come or not. We know that seeing us graduate and leaving him in that school alone would only make him cry... God, I'm already crying now... damnit.

He sent me SMS just now. He said he'll text me before he calls. I'm afraid that I'm gonna cry on the phone... *sighs* why does it have to be this way?

We all love him very much. We don't want to leave him. We know that he's not alone but still... we wanted to be close to him. We know we would still be eventhough we'll leave each other. He'll always be our only "Marvin" err... I mean "Marrianne" ^^;

I love you friend, and I'll miss you. *hugs and kisses*

 
*Emotionless*
03.28.04 (8:00 am)   [edit]
I wonder why he told me that I'm emotionless... Did he feel me now? If he did, then... is that a good thing?

What I mean is, I'm trying to avoid my feelings for him. Avoid in a way that trying not to get my feelings take over me and do stupid things again like saying I love him and those mushy stuffs. I don't want him to know that I'm still head-over-heels over him because I want him to be more close to me and treat me like he does before. Do you think what he means of "emotionless" is he can't read what's in my mind or he missed the cheerful, talkative, very sensitive, mean me? or he missed the way i do mushy things to him? Maybe he missed the first one... never expect... never expect... never expect... never expect... never expect... >_<

He had changed after the last time I told him I love him and the first time we had a small fight. He seems a little snob now... I don't know if he's doing it only to me or to everyone or if he's just busy in school, doing stuffs and all... Yeah, he still talks to me every now and then, but not the same way like before. God, almost all my post here in my blog is all about him! :shock: He knows this blog... I wonder if he's reading this... I hope he does... HEY YOU! IF YOU'RE READING THIS RIGHT NOW, I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT uhm... I just... want you to take care of yourself... uhm... *hides* :oops:

 
*Quiz time!*
03.28.04 (1:57 am)   [edit]
I'm bored. ^^; I was supposed to update my fiction but my inspiration is dead. So uhm... I just took these quizzes. *tries to revive her inspiration*



You're Night.
You love to stay up. You love caffiene. You stay up
until the wee hours of the morning and sleep in
late.


What time of day are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I don't like caffeine... o.o; i don't even drink coffee



distrust
You enter the door .You see the higher being and
listen to what it says to you:
I have already been waiting for you.You ask
yourself why, dont you? Let me explain:
You should know that I am not the highest being I
am just one of the nine servants. And I am
sent to make you think about something but I am
not here to answer your questions. I can not
tell you too much but I will come again. So
listen what I have to say!
I am the higher being of distrust you are full of
hate to the popularity, to the whole human
beings. You cannot trust anyone
nearly, and it
is difficult to come near to you .I shall tell
you ,you may not feel it but somewhere trapped
in your heart there is something that is
looking for love. But you made a fence around
your heart and nearly nobody can truly come
trough it. You created a wall to save you but
your heart is lonely Maybe you are already so
used to it that you dont feel this loneliness
anymore .I see that in future there comes a
time, where you let somebody to your heart. And
then it is your choice to open it more or to
close it again because you feel not safe.
Think well what you will do
Thus spoke the higher being of distrust and now
wake up. If you want the higher beings to come
again please rate this quiz. It will may take
some time but I have to work hard. Messages are
also welcome!


~Visit the higher being in one of your dreams and listen what he says to you !!!WITH PICS!~
brought to you by Quizilla

but i... o_o



I want my rubber ducky!
Volo anaticulum cumminosam meam!
"I want my rubber ducky!"
Okay, so you're a little childish. You know how to
have a good time.


Which Weird Latin Phrase Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

i'm not a kid, damnit! >_<



Led Zeppelin
Classic rock! Without you the other genres
wouldn't exist! You are the raw and original
sound of rock! Other genres may try to imitate
your rawness, but they can never be like you!


What genre of rock are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Led Zeppelin rocks! =D



Silver Dragon
You are a silver dragon. The rarest kind of dragon.
YOu are noble yet avoid humans as much as
possible. You are the guardian of the
defensless and you rule the skies.


Which Dragon resides in your soul? (cool pictures!)
brought to you by Quizilla

nice picture @_@ *takes a picture of the dragon*



solitude
Solitude

Your lyrics


How many times have you told me you love her?
As many times as I wanted to tell you the truth.
How long have I stood here beside you?
I lived through you, you looked through me.

Ooo, Solitude
Still with me is only you
Ooo, Solitude
I can't stay away from you

How many times have I done this to myself?
How long will it take before I see?
When will this hole in my heart be mended?
Who now is left alone but me?

Ooo, Solitude
Forever me and forever you
Ooo, Solitude
Only you, Only true

Everyone leaves me stranded,
forgotten, abandoned
left behind.
I can't stay her another night

Your secret admirer, who could it be?

Can't you you see all along it was me?
How can you be so blind as to see right through me?

Solitude
Still with me is only you
Ooo, solitude
I can't stay away from you

Solitude
Forever me and forever you
Ooo, Solitude
Only you, Only true


What Evanescence song are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Shouji...




You are a Spiritualist. Your magic flows from the
primal forces of the cosmos. You could be a
gentle Healer, a miraculous Prophet or a
spirit-summoning War-mage with the strong link
your soul provides to the realms beyond
reality. You have preternatural abilities,
intutively sensing the personality of people
you meet and discerning events yet to happen.
You enhance your aura with meditative pursuits.
You are a good judge of character but your
idealism or morality can confuse others.


Which Magical Order Are You In?
brought to you by Quizilla

oh...



READY FOR LOVE: You're sensitive but no pushover,
active but not manic. In short, you're a great
girl/guy who's ready for a relationship. If
you're not already involved with someone, it's
only because you want a guy/girl who's worthy
of your love---you just haven't met him/her
yet. That's cool. You've got plenty of other
interests to keep you busy. When you do meet
''Mr. Great/Miss. Great,'' chances are you
won't abandon all the other impotant stuff in
your life for romance. In fact, your
independance and spirit will be part of what
attracts him/her---and keeps him/her. Would YOU
PLEASE rate my quiz? YOU surely don't have to,
but i'd apreciate it more than YOU could
imagine if YOU would! Thanks! Peace out yo'!


Are YOU ready to have a BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND? For the OLDER GALS/GUYS!
brought to you by Quizilla

Shouji!!! >_<



Katana
Katana, chop enemies down with skill, speed and
accuracy. Katana's were made for warriors that
wanted to be fast and deadly like samurai
warriors. The Katana is very sharp and takes a
long time to blunt. (Please Vote)


What sword wud u use (info and pics on swords as well)
brought to you by Quizilla

nice katanas... @_@ *drools*




your inner child is the neglected child. Your
always ledt alone without much nurturing or
love. You dont believe you are lovable or
worthwhile so you dont know how to love, your
just depressed.(will u please rate this quiz
cause i looked up alot of this).


Whats ur Inner Child(with pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

i don't know... i still feel loved by my mom and my sisters ^_^



cobain
Kurt COBAIN (1967-1994)
You are like Kurt Cobain, the famous singer and
songwriter from Nirvana.
Your motto is: Its better to burn out than to fade
away.
You are extremely sensitive person, but dont want
to show it in the outside world.
May you even didnt realize it in the beginning.
There has been a problem in your family and you
dont get over it. Its lying like a shadow
behind you and you cant see it, because you
dont want to turn around. This depression runs
after you but you are so long inside that you
think you wont come out. You never thought
about being popular but you get it because you
are very talented .You are a genie, and can
reach into the hearts of the people, but there
is still this depression. Then you get these
stomach problems and take drugs. They make your
feelings even more extrem. After some time this
satisfaction you felt for your music
disappears. Your erratic mood hasnt got the
passion anymore . Then youll kill yourself with
a gun, but youll still live in people minds and
will forever.


~Which famous suicide would you be?+8 different,long results and pics!!~
brought to you by Quizilla

I know I'm very sensitive... but uhm... I'll try not to kill myself... @_@


I love you Shouji~ *wishes the he will love me back* I'll wait for you... *sighs* I look pathetic...

 
*Still in the mushy state...*
03.19.04 (4:32 am)   [edit]
Well... the title says it all, I guess. ^^;
I don't really like the song but it hits me, really hard. Hmm... just read the lyrics or yeah, sing it and you'll know why. ^^;


[i][b]Have You Ever
by Brandy[/b]


Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever

Have you ever been in love
Been in love so bad
You'd do anything to make them understand
Have you ever had someone steal your heart away
You'd give anything to make them feel the same

Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart
But you don't know what to say
And you don't know where to start

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever

Have you ever found the one
You've dreamed of all of your life
You'd do just about anything to look into their eyes
Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to
Only to find that one won't give their heart to you

Have you ever closed your eyes and
Dreamed that they were there
And all you can do is wait for the day when they will care

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever

What do I gotta do to get you in my arms baby
What do I gotta say to get to your heart
To make you understand how I need you next to me
Gotta get you in my world
'Cuz baby I can't sleep

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever

Have you ever...[/i]

Yes, I still love him. Ehehehe! I hate love... darn it...

 
*Love sucks sometimes*
03.13.04 (2:50 am)   [edit]
Currently feeling: loved
Currently listening to: One of These Days by Michelle Branch

Hmm... I didn't know it until he told me. But then, I kind of think that I don't feel the same way. He's like my brother... *shrugs* Yes, I like him but not the way he does. :(

I remember the guy I told you guys before. Yes, the one I loved and been obssessed with. :? I kind of understand his feelings for me now. It's not easy to love someone you don't really love.

I don't know how to tell him what I feel for him, that I like him but not the same way he does. I know I can't avoid hurting him because hurt is always there when you love someone.

Can't we just love and not get hurt? *sighs* Love sucks sometimes... :?

 
*School Newspaper*
03.12.04 (4:06 am)   [edit]
Currently feeling: erm... good, i guess
Currently listening to: my blog's background music?

Good: Finally, being a member of Journalism club makes sense now! :D I can't believe we're all working now, and finally, we got our own Publication Room.

Bad: End of school year is fast approaching. This is our last month in our school. We won't be able to use the Publication Room that long and all our hard work of CLEANING and DECORATING the room will be like for the next Journalism Club member's sake demmet! Useless... :evil:

 
*Something something*
03.10.04 (7:13 am)   [edit]
[b]|Birth Name|--[/b] [i]Jennifer Rama M. Garcia[/i]

[b]|Age|--[/b] [i]17[/i]

[b]|Location|--[/b] [i]Malabon, Philippines[/i]

[b]|Birthplace|--[/b] [i]Caloocan[/i]

[b]|Hidden Talents|--[/b] [i]I can see the big picture[/i] =D

[b]HAVE YOU EVER:
|pictured ur crush naked?|--[/b] [i]no[/i]

[b]|actually seen ur crush naked|--[/b] [i]just half naked[/i] =D~

[b]|been in love|--[/b] [i]yes[/i]

[b]|cried when someone died|--[/b] [i]yes[/i]

[b]|drank alcohol|--[/b] [i]yes[/i]

[b]|fallen for ur best friend|--[/b] [i]yes[/i]

[b]|been rejected|--[/b] [i]yes[/i]

[b]|rejected someone|--[/b] [i]yes[/i]

[b]|been cheated on|--[/b] [i]*shrugs*[/i]

[b]|done something u regret|--[/b] [i]yes[/i]

[b]|been In Jail|--[/b] [i]does being grounded counts?[/i]

[b]|ran away from home|--[/b] [i]no[/i]

[b]|hit a boy|--[/b] [i]hit in what way?[/i]

[b]|broken a bone|--[/b] [i]almost[/i]

[b]|cheated on a test|--[/b] [i]yes[/i]

[b]|let a friend cry on your shoulder|--[/b] [i]yes[/i]

[b]|fell asleep in the shower/bath|--[/b] [i]yes[/i] @_@

[b]|walked in on someone changing or showering|--[/b] [i]yes[/i]

[b]|gone to church|--[/b] [i]yes[/i]

[b]|never slept during a night|--[/b] [i]yes[/i]

[b]|seen someone die|--[/b] [i]yes[/i]

[b]|thought you were in love|--[/b] [i]yes[/i]

[b]|screamed at someone for no reason|--[/b] [i]yes[/i] =D

[b]|stayed up till 4 am on the phone|--[/b] [i]yes... actually till 7 am[/i]


[b]WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX:
|what do u notice first?|--[/b] [i]smile and hair[/i]

[b]|last person u slow danced|--[/b] [i]i can't remember[/i]

[b]|worst thing to say|--[/b] [i]*shrugs*[/i]

[b]|do you have a crush|--[/b] [i]*gives you a list*[/i]


[b]WHAT COMES TO MIND WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT:
|love at first sight|--[/b] [i]not true, it's just a crush[/i]

[b]|life|--[/b] [i]like a labyrinth[/i]

[b]|memory of the year|--[/b] [i]a lot of experiences... so fun[/i]

[b]FAVORITES
|favorite food|--[/b] [i]potatoes, tuna[/i]

[b]|favorite movie|--[/b] [i]nothing in particular... but i like those japanese horror movies the most[/i]

[b]|favorite type of music|--[/b] [i]alternative, rock, techno, trance, pop, r&b, jazz, classical[/i]

[b]|favorite fast food|--[/b] [i]as long as there is french fries[/i] =D

[b]|favorite ice cream|--[/b] [i]chocolate and strawberry[/i]

[b]|favorite television show(s)|--[/b] [i]ANIME! and those sitcoms[/i]

[b]|your ideal BF/GF|--[/b] [i]someone like toukairin shouji[/i] XD


[b]WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU:
|took a shower|--[/b] [i]just a while ago[/i]

[b]|cried|--[/b] [i]i can't remember[/i]

[b]|watched a disney movie|--[/b] [i]can't remember[/i]

[b]|received a hug|--[/b] [i]yesterday[/i]


[b]THE FUTURE:
|where do you want to live|--[/b] [i]japan or italy[/i]

[b]|how many kids you want|--[/b] [i]Two or three[/i]

[b]|what kind of job you want|--[/b] [i]photographer[/i]


[b]YES OR NO:
|Are you in love?|--[/b] [i]yes[/i]

[b]|Is He/She your bestfriend?|--[/b] [i]a very close friend[/i]

[b]|Would you go for your bestfriend?|--[/b] [i]but my bestfriend is a girl[/i] =|

[b]|Would you date your Bestfriend's GF/BF?|--[/b] [i]no[/i]

[b]|Ever been Kissed?|--[/b] [i]yes[/i]

[b]|Are you versatile?|--[/b] [i]yes[/i]

[b]|Liberal?|--[/b] [i]kinda... yeah[/i]

[b]|Conservative?|--[/b] [i]yeah[/i]

[b]|Tolerable?|--[/b] [i]depends[/i]

[b]|Do you give Justice?|--[/b] [i]yeah... sometimes[/i] XD

[b]|Ever dumped someone?|--[/b] [i]yes[/i]

[b]|Treasure the Past?|--[/b] [i]yes[/i]

[b]|Savor Today?|--[/b] [i]...yes...[/i]

[b]|Value Friendships?|--[/b] [i]of course[/i]

[b]|Do you TRUST so much?|--[/b] [i]sometimes[/i]

[b]|Are you full of pride?|--[/b] [i]yes...[/i] o.o

[b]|Do you live for yourself?|--[/b] [i]no[/i]

[b]|Futuristic?|--[/b] [i]yeah[/i]

[b]|Value Education and taking it?|--[/b] [i]why of course[/i]

[b]|Ever called anyone a Bitch/Whore?|--[/b] [i]yeah[/i]

[b]|Ever called anyone an asshole?|--[/b] [i]yeah[/i]

[b]|Are you Crazy?|--[/b] [i]yes... in a nice way, i guess[/i]

[b]|Currently Dating?|--[/b] [i]no[/i]

[b]|Currently Flirting?|--[/b] [i]no[/i]

[b]|Ever go back to your past?|--[/b] [i]yes...[/i]

[b]|Happy?|--[/b] [i]not really[/i]

[b]|Sad?|--[/b] [i]no[/i]

[b]|Lonely?|--[/b] [i]that's the same right?[/i]

[b]|Trustworthy?|--[/b] [i]yeah! *winks*[/i]

[b]|You Bored?|--[/b] [i]yes[/i]

 
*Correction*
03.06.04 (11:16 am)   [edit]
Currently feeling: sleepy, tired and sad at the same time
Currently listening to: Anata by L'Arc~en~Ciel


No... I guess I haven't recovered... :shock:

I talked to him today... we don't have the same conversation like before... he was like avoiding me in some way... I don't know... I don't like this. It's all my fault.

Stupid me! :x

 
*Nothing Special*
03.06.04 (8:17 am)   [edit]
I think I finally recovered... I just think I do :roll:
That's all, just happy today ^_^

 
*Free at last*
03.05.04 (9:23 am)   [edit]
OMG! Final exam is over! I can't believe I'm online!!! OMG!!! :lol:

It's been a terrible week for me. Four projects to be submitted and final examination at the same week.

First is the research paper for English for monday: It was good. I got 90% for my research paper. I just can't believe my teacher doesn't know what "Spontaneous Human Combustion" literally means... :?

Second is my senseless project in Music for thursday: Why senseless? My teacher in music asked us to encode our book in music... all about those damn musician in Microsoft Word and burn it in a CD-RW! Heck... teacher these days are saddist... I passed a CD-R... nyahahaha! I will NEVER give him a CD-RW! NEVER!

Third is a drawing in Economics for friday: I can draw nicely if only I'm in the mood. I drew a dog wearing a toxedo representing Macroeconomics and the same dog wearing a shirt and pants while holding dumplings and a glass of juice representing Microeconomics... I didn't put colors on it because I don't know how to use crayons and pastels or whatever that is use for coloring... I'm not good at it... :?

Fourth is a powerpoint presentation in Physics for friday: Yes, two projects to be submitted at the same day. Darn those teachers. Didn't they know that we have 9 subjects to work on too?

We also have our 3-days final examination, wednesday, thursday and friday. All I can say to myself now is "Good job... you're still alive."

I'm still in high school... what more in college... now I feel like the end is near... :shock:

 
*Quiz Time*
02.28.04 (11:59 am)   [edit]
great... it's already 3:56 am and I'm still awake... wide awake :shock: ..... I need sleeping pills... :? That man is killing me... :x

Black
You are Black.

Boasting of Power and mystery, you make for an
interesting person. But careful, you may scare
off any potential freinds with your short fuse.


What Color Best Represents Your Personality?
brought to you by Quizilla

am i scary? o.o;;



HASH(0x886d3e4)
You are EVERY KIND of label


What High School Label Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

i uh... don't know... *scratches head*



You are a firm believer in god and chances are you
will stay that way untill the day you die.


~~Are you an ATHIEST?~~
brought to you by Quizilla

*prays*



Kryo kinesis:

Kryo kinesis is the element of both water and ice.
Those who have a Kryo kinetic spirit are in a
rare appearance yet Kryo kinesis is very
commonly found as the second or third element
of a person. Those who have it as a basis can
be compared to very old fashioned coke bottles
with the very thick glass. As the soda inside
begins to fizz so to say, the bottle holds. A
more common reference would be the more modern
plastic bottles for Coke. The plastic can be
dented but never broken. The Coke inside will
only expel out when the person wants to open
it. Sometimes as they begin to open their
spiritual bottle too much may pour out and they
will quickly close it off once again. Kryo
kinetic people can never fully get rid of their
inner spiritual torment. They are constantly
cursed with guilt, pain, contemplation over
right and wrong, as well as their place in the
world. A Kryo kinetic person is usually found
on the outside of society and if found in, is
commonly after a goal and is making a huge
spiritual sacrifice to achieve it. But some
things are worth having.


Each person has a unique Ki energy. Find yours.
brought to you by Quizilla

no picture... =/



[You're A Frogger Addict]
Hours Have Passed, and Still the Frog Wanders On.
Crossing lanes of unforgiving traffic, braving
crocodiles, snakes, and the edge of the screen,
you struggle to return to the one place you
belong... home.


What Early Arcade Game Are You Addicted To?
brought to you by Quizilla

did you just say... frogs... *brings out katana*



Melancholic
Melancholic: You are melancholic. The element that
you are associated with is earth, and your
endocrine system is dominated by the thyroid.
People look to you for answers, and you have an
analytical way of looking at things. You are at
your best when you are feeling creative, and
you tend to withdraw when sad. If you are
feeling unwell, you should probably eat fewer
carbs and more protein. You probably sleep very
erratically, anywhere from 5-10 hours a night.
You probably tend to snack, and eat a lot of
vegetables and pasta. You are most attracted to
people with a sanguine temperament. Jungians
call you a Sensory Extrovert. You comprehend in
the mode of "I Know", and your mode
of being is Feeling.


What is your Humour?
brought to you by Quizilla

hmmm... i feel like copying the sketch... o.o ........... can't do it... T_T



You belong to the world of knowledge-seekers
You belong somewhere out in the world, exploring
and learning and spreading the knowledge that
you find. When you love, that love will join
you in your quest and believe as you do in a
world of spiritual energy that is stronger than
anything humanity could normally even conceive,
although you may be able to. Council those you
encounter, give them your wisdom, and stay true
to yourself.


Where do you belong?(ANIME IMAGES)
brought to you by Quizilla

wow... *sketches* i kinda like the result... i hope i really belong there... o.o;



Libra Drinking style:
"I'm jusht a social drinker," slurs
Libra, "it's jusht that I'm so damn
social?" Libra loves nothing more than to
party, mingle and relate to everyone. Whether
dipped in favor of Good Libra (with Insta-
Friend device set to "on") or heavier
on the Evil Libra side (they are little
instigators when bored), the Scales can really
work a room. Charming as they are, Libras are
notoriously lacking in self-control, however,
which can get them into all sorts of trouble --
including wearing their wobbly boots waaaay too
early in the evening, flirting with their best
friend's beau or even blacking out the nights
events entirely. Oops!


Alcohoroscopes- what do the stars say about your drinking style
brought to you by Quizilla

o_o;;



die
The One That's Just... There! But that can be a
good thing!


What J Rock Personality Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

*smiles* XD



Niwa-kun!
Daisuke Niwa


What Character from D.N. Angel are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

i haven't watched D.N. Angel though... is that the anime where Blurry Eyes by L'arc~en~Ciel is played as its theme song? hey, that guy looks cool =D



JIRO should suit you!
JIRO should suit you!


Which JROCK male should suit YOU?
brought to you by Quizilla

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! *jumps on Jiro and hugs him tight*



Jim
You're Jim Hawking!

Ever the responsible one, you use your quick
thinking and remarkable intelligence to help
get your way out of any fix. You're the sober
yin to Gene's raging yang, and God knows he
needs it. Take some time for yourself to goof
off a bit more, and things may be a bit less
stressful.


Which Outlaw Star character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

etto... *scratches head*



You Are a Samurai
You are a Samurai.
You have trained the majority of your life. You are
honerable, you follow your word. You spare no
one once in combat, but that is expected, for
your oponent would do the same to you. You use
a two-handed katana.


What type of Swordsman are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

i wanna be a ninja though... =/

 
*Not the same*
02.28.04 (7:03 am)   [edit]
We don't talk the same way we do before. A big change happened after the small quarrel between me and him. I shouldn't have done that... I regret everything. I want to be close to him again. It hurts me even more... I hate it...

I know it's my fault. I should accept what's happening between us right now. Okay, I guess you don't know what I'm talking about... oh well. *sighs*

I still love him... but I can't tell him... I shouldn't. :(

 
*Break Time*
02.26.04 (6:04 am)   [edit]
Lots of school stuffs to finish. I need to submit 4 projects next week. 1 research paper in English on monday, 1 senseless project in Music on thursday, a powerpoint presentation in Physics and 2 drawings in Economics on friday. We'll be having our final exams on wednesday, thursday and friday too. Oh how I love school... *twirls her hair*

If ever I lost my head, please call the mental hospital for me, okay? Thanks! :shock:

The Lost Soul
The Lost Soul


What sign of the Black Zodiac are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

 
*Reconciliation*
02.21.04 (7:10 am)   [edit]
I had a fight with him last monday. Not really a huge fight but... I made him say things that he doesn't want to say. God I don't want to see him get angry again. :cry: It made me feel kind of... scared. :shock:

After the retreat, I talked to him and asked him to forgive me... and he did. And after a few minutes, we're talking like nothing happened. I want to hug him... >_<

Starting today... I'll try to avoid my feelings for him and start to think that 'he is my bestfriend forever'. Or if I can't, I'll just shut my mouth and never tell him or talk to him about my feelings ever again.

God help me... :cry:

 
*Retreat*
02.21.04 (4:53 am)   [edit]
Hmm... It was fun... and cold... :shock:
There are lots of food in the convent, nice weather, nice people... I wasn't able to talk to a nun though, ehehehe!

Kuya Edwin is really nice and funny. He cracked a lot of jokes in our sessions. He is also the one who stayed with us for three days and taught us more about God.

Hmm... I don't know what to say. What happened in the convent is a secret for me. :D

I love you God. Thanks for everything~

 
*Monday Sickness*
02.15.04 (11:34 pm)   [edit]
Ehehehe! I wasn't able to go to school... god! My eyes are swollen! :shock: Mom kept asking me what happened... of course, i didn't tell her. Heh... :?

This is driving me nuts... *sighs*

We'll have our school retreat and we'll stay in a convent... for a week... :? "WHAT?! ONE WEEK?! WITHOUT COMPUTER?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" erm... *cough* oh well, that'll help me think about stuffs.



*sighs* How can I ever get you out of my head...

 
*I just feel so... bad...*
02.15.04 (2:17 am)   [edit]
[i]Why are these things happening to me?
I just want to love and be loved
Is love really not for me,
Or is it just me who's not for love?[/i]

I talked to him, again. I asked him if he's still stuck in his past. He got a little confused at first, but then he got what I mean. He said he's over it. He doesn't feel the same way to her now. He said that she's just a distant friend for him now. I feel really glad when he said that. Something like, made me feel that I still have a chance. Now that she's gone in his life. Well, not really gone. Erm... you know what I mean.

[i]Do I really have to suffer?
Do I really have to cry?
Do I really have to give up everything
Just to realize that you can't be mine?[/i]

I wanted to say to him that I still love him. I want to voice my feeling out. But something is holding me back. I don't know... For some reason, I feel like he's trying to avoid the topic. He kept talking about something else. So... I decided not to tell him.

[i]I guess it's my fault that I let myself fall for you,
Someone so nice, breathtaking, precious...
You changed me into something I can't explain,
And because of that, I'm in deep pain...[/i]

I sent him an email after he left. And typed all what I was thinking that night... everything... I was crying while typing all those things. I explained my feelings to him...

[i]Now, I'm here... cold and lonely
Wanting to move on and get away
Striving for serenity,
and get this feeling away from me...[/i]

He replied... saying he still doesn't feel the same. Explaining everything... that he wants to say those three words to me. But then... he thinks that it still doesn't sound right to him. There are still alot of things in his email, don't have to say it all... It just hurt me... I accepted it all. Even though it hurts me a lot. It feels like something stabbed me at my chest and twist it. Yes, I almost died. But then, something he said saved me from death... not the sweetest thing you'll hear from someone you really love, but something you want to hear from someone special...
He cares for me. He doesn't want me to get hurt. He's my bestfriend. It hurts but at the same time, it felt really good.

I love him... I don't know what to do... Somebody help me... I want to break away... please...




Contrast
Dark shadow. Something has drawn you into darkness
in the past, and you're now trying to get out
of it. The darkness is already inside you, and
getting it out will be hard, but if you try,
maybe one day you can be who you want to be
again. Don't give in!!!


Please rate ^^


What kind of dark person are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Don't give in huh.....